1. justadashofsarcasm:


    can we start a club for teenagers who were constantly complimented on their intelligence when they were younger and are now having trouble coping with the realization that they’re actually of average intellect at best

    can this club have a support person that helps us to study because we didn’t need to before so we don’t know how to now 

    (via benedictscumberbatch)



    What have I done…

    you just made Frozen so much better

    (via benedictscumberbatch)






    This is so accurate. At school, we literally have children who will watch our facial expressions to see if them falling is as bad as they think it might be.


    • do not react. at the most, maybe wince and go “ooooh”
    • go over to the child to assess panic level and severity of injury
    • if they’re like, dying, remain calm, but they’re probably not.
    • look them in the eye and ask, “you okay?” they will nod. possibly all teary-eyed. then ask, “are we gonna need to cut it off?”
    • the child is thrown off. if they giggle, you’re in the money. if they do not, put a bandaid on and do some sympathetic patting. they are probably a little teary. let the sad little bug sit out for a minute. they will quickly get bored.
    • works every time

    "sad little bug" is the cutest and most accurate term ive heard used to describe a child because sometimes bugs are kinda super cute sometimes bugs are really fucking annoying and sometimes bugs are downright TERRIFYING

    I remember my sister did the ‘are we gonna have to cut it off?’ to her daughter once and my niece looked her dead in the eye and said ‘Get the saw, mother.’

    Me and my brother-in-law lost it.

    Hahahaha oh my god that’s perfect!

    (Source: kaliskadyami, via weeping-angels-take-the-ponds)

  2. hermionemollycharliepond:



    my year 8 students had to do a budgeting activity pretending they were living out of home on $2000 a month and I find this written on there help I can’t fucking breathe

    We had to do this and I was partnered with a boy whose parents are a scientist and a doctor. My family spawned the book: Top Drawer Villain - autobiography of a London criminal.

    First of all, we had to choose where we would shop. He wanted to buy from Booths. “We are not buying from Booths," I snapped. "Get on Asda’s website right now." His face froze.

    A-Asda?" he whispered. "But that’s where… The Lower Classes shop.

    This was a good start.

    We then had to decide on a menu. We started on breakfast. “Toast," he said.

    Toast," I said. "Great. Look, Asda has its own wholemeal—

    Warburton’s thick-slice white bread. Nothing else. With olive oil.

    You WHAT?" I choked. "You have olive oil, on your toast, in the morning?

    He frowned. “Who doesn’t?

    Okay," I said, "but what will the children eat?

    He gaped at me. “The children? We have children?

    We continued. All was well until it came to what we would have on our sandwiches. We even sorted out the children’s lunch - they, of course, would get free school meals. “Yes," he agreed; "if we can’t even afford Bertolli then they can get school meals on the government.

    He asked what dressing we should have on our ham. “Nuh-uh," I said. "Can’t have ham. I’m vegetarian.

    But I’m not.

    Yes, but we’re married and we can only afford one sandwich filler so it has to be vege—

    We’re married!?

    Of course we’re married! You’re devout Christian - how do you think I convinced you to have children?

    He shook his head, frowning. “Well I want ham. You’ll have to put back the washing powder - I need ham on my sandwiches.

    We continued. Finally, it was dinner. “Okay," he said, clearly thinking hard; "for dinner, we can have… Chicken nuggets and… Beans?


    Vegetarian nuggets then. And beans.

    We need vegetables. The children have to have a balanced diet.

    You and your children!" he yelled, and the whole class looked around.

    They’re your children too!" I screamed back.

    He leapt to his feet, shaking his head and looking distraught. “I don’t believe it - I don’t believe you! I wouldn’t have your children!

    Please," I cried, standing up also. "Don’t—

    I want a divorce!

    And he walked out of the classroom.

    The teacher stood up and stared between me and the door through which he had vanished. “I’m sorry," I whispered, "but we couldn’t do it any more. There were just too many differences - I can’t live with someone who thinks champagne is a budget.

    I can’t wait to see this guy when he gets to university.


    (via benedictscumberbatch)

  3. kamikazeworld:



    Why is it that evil villains always find poison to inject into their victims like just literally fill the syringe with air and just stick the needle between their toes or something. It’ll mimic a heart attack and the victim will die pretty quick and NO ONE WILL ASK MANY QUESTIONS BECAUSE IT’LL LOOK LIKE A HEART ATTACK

    first of all how do you know this information i feel like the government doesnt want you to know that


    (via weeping-angels-take-the-ponds)

  4. yourlittleharmonicaishammered:







    (via beauty-milo)




    Doing the do with you know who

    The greatest mystery of all time solved…What Neville forget to remember in that scene.

    All of this is important.

    (via beauty-milo)

  5. tomhiddlesismyspiritanimal:




    this is like my fave joke

    okay that shit was good.

    (via mkhunterz)

  6. homwrecker:



    this mother fucker is the voice of nemo


    shit i think i want to fuck nemo

    this little fucker goes to my college— I’ve met him. To make matter worse, he’s sweet and shy. And hates it when people whisper “fish are friends, not food” around him. 

    oh my god

    (via the-lone-adventurer)

  7. boopercy:


    things i learned in ancient greek art today:

    • Achilles had a gay lover 
    • Zeus had a boy toy that he thought was pretty so he snatched him up and made him into his wine bitch and kept him under his throne on olympus always
    • there was a woman who wanted to be a man so Poseidon changed her sex and then made him impervious to metal weapons to boot
    • They made Aphrodite marry a lame and ugly guy and to retaliate she slept with everyone, but mostly Ares.

    sounds like high school

    (Source: aavec, via weeping-angels-take-the-ponds)

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